The Mysteries of Hawkeye
by abyssjoey
Summary: The tactician Jenro answers age old FAQs about the big, bulky berserker Hawkeye and he also answers mysteries about moving. Tactician's Mysteries Series


The Mysteries of Hawkeye (and Moving)

_The tactician Jenro answers age old FAQs about the big, bulky berserker Hawkeye and he also answers mysteries about moving. What if Hawkeye gets attacked by tons of archers? What about if he gets pierced by tons of javelins? Why do generic peons fall in love with Hawkeye? Why haven't I used the Recover staff ever since I was born?_

_Why do people stop, and not continue moving for a turn anyway? And what if…what if Hawkeye maxed out his defense?!_

"Hawkeye?!"

It was catastrophic. It was exorbitant. It was beyond shocking. As Lady Louise, countess of Reglay, turned to her friend, she saw countless of arrows, wounds bleeding all across his big, bulky body, and piercings of javelins, short spears and spears through his abdomen, his chest, everywhere.

"Oh my good lord..." Louise fell down on her knees, grieving towards the unfriendly sight. Oswin and Dart were nearby, and saw the dreadful scene.

"What in the world--?!" Dart shouted. Oswin went beside Lady Louise and comforted her, while Dart pulverized the evil peons who have beyond scarred Hawkeye.

"Hawkeye, are you well?" Dart asked, but Hawkeye ignored his question. Instead, he ignored the pain, and continued to fight--he fought, never even considering the arrows stuck in his organs, the spears that strike pain through his body.

"You have got to be mad, Hawkeye!" Dart said, caring for his ally, "C'mon, I'll call Serra..or Priscilla...anyone! Just--just stop and take a break, will 'ya?!"

"Hawkeye...no...you can't..." Louise said, drowning in tears.

Noticing the blightful scene Louise and Hawkeye were in, Jenro, the tactician of the team, approached Louise.

"Lady Louise, I beg your pardon but--" Jenro paused, and saw Hawkeye filled with arrows, javelins, and even more unexplainable things stuck in his body.

"By Nini's grace, this is--this is horrifying." Jenro was shocked, but was mystified that Hawkeye, the berserker who wore nothing except some blue clothing to cover his you-know-what, survived after being hit by countless of spears and arrows, "Oswin, contact Serra immediately, tell her to heal Hawkeye's wounds."

"By your command," Oswin said, and he walked but then he stopped and turned gray.

"Oswin?!" Jenro shouted, "I told you to go to Serra and tell her to heal Hawkeye's wounds!"

"But, sir Jenro, I can't."

"Why not?!" Jenro asked, completely pissed off.

"She's too far away."

Again, Jenro was mystified. He was mystified why Oswin couldn't just walk straight to Serra and obey his orders. He cannot afford to lose his stars, so he asked Heath to go to Serra instead.

"Heath!" Jenro shouted, "Go to Serra and tell her to come here and heal Hawkeye's wounds."

"Sure thing, sir tactician." And then Serra came in record time.

"Oh my! This is--" Serra shouted but then she regained her composure, "I'm gonna heal it with my new RECOVER STAFFtm!"

"No, Serra you dupe!" Jenro shouted, "Just use the Heal staff, the Recover staff is too pricy."

"B-but, I'm not too strong yet..."

"Very well, use the Mend staff."

"Okay!"

And then, a blue orb engulfed Hawkeye, and all his wounds are completely healed. Even the arrows and spears disappeared. How that happened made Jenro baffled even more.

After the next few chapters, Hawkeye had his defense maxed out. How it happened without the use of stat-up items is beyond even the most intelligent person can explain.

"Hey look over there dude..." a generic enemy soldier said, pointing to Hawkeye, "That man's big...he's 9 feet tall!"

"Yeah, and he's got a big bulky body, man..." another generic soldier said.

"Yeah, and those flat, firm abs, man..." another generic soldier said.

"I think I'm falling in love, man..." another generic soldier said.

"ARE YOU GUYS MEN OR WHAT?!?!!" an enemy general said, "ATTACK!!! Destroy that...that THING!"

The other soldiers are too lovestruck to attack.

"Very well, I shall pwn him myself!" the general said, and got his short spear, "Hey, you there! EAT THIS!"

The enemy General threw a short spear through Hawkeye's heart but...

THE SHORT SPEAR BOUNCED BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Good lord! This is---this is---MMAAAAAADDDDDDNNNNNEEEESSSS!!!!!!!!"

And then, Hawkeye sliced everyone and is wicked sick, and for all eternity he is now the next big thing since The Thing.


End file.
